Head in the Sand

I hate to admit this but I've had my head in the sand with many issues in my life. Right now I am facing the debt I have occurred during my divorce and my dark times that I was hiding from. Slowly I've been waking up to many different realities that are tough to face.. but this was one of the last that I've actually faced. When I got a bill and it wasn't an creditor that I have to pay for my day to day living, it was not looked at and immediately thrown away. I couldn't face it. I drowned... When I said I choose to live in last post, this is an example of choosing to live. To live in the present... No more passing things by, the good and the bad. As each bill comes, I am writing the names down, the balance, and all the info I need to see how to pay it. Even if it is $5.00 at a time.  I even got daring enough to look up my credit reports. Immediately I started disputing specific items that are inaccurate or completely not mine or unknown. I even called up an attorney that sent me something from a commissioner and finding out I owe $900. They were going to pass it on as a judgement and possibly garnish my checks.. so what did I do today? I chose to live in the present, face the crap, and find a way to make 1 HUGE payment out of 2 more to pay it off. How am I going to do it all? I don't know. I don't have the answer on how I'm going to financially make this all work. But I know I pulled out my shovel and started digging. Thank the good lord. As much as I am scared, at least I am breathing the fresh air of reality. No longer upside down in the sand kicking my legs...
I am okay.  I am still here. Fighting for my life. Fighting for another day of sobriety, living in reality, and liking who I am in the mirror. I am so grateful for this day. I was able to wake up and make my kids red heart pancakes for Valentine's Day. They are my Valentine's. This year is dedicated to me. I love this person I am striving to become. Still many years of growth but I am walking this line...