I am a mother of two children. Isaiah just turned 11. He is the man of the house and takes care of his mom and little sister. He is also learning French at school and is a baller like his dad. London is 8 and is a lover of many things, but she is following in the footsteps of her mom with dance. They definitely march to the beat of their own drums.
I have recently become a single mom and learning to master my new life I've been thrown into. The most therapeutic thing I enjoy doing is writing, especially about experiences in my life and the many new things I am learning. My life is passing me by so quick, this blog is a way to slow it down and to remind my kids and I of our memories together. This is my journey, welcome aboard. This is my Second Act.
I am so proud of this kid. It's not easy to put yourself out there and "trying out" for student council at Odyssey Elementary. He needed two different Letters of Recommendation from people that are outside of the family. On his own he chose his Scout Master and our Bishop in our ward. I didn't want to be doing this for him. I wanted him to learn to ask for these things on his own. I listened to him make one of the calls requesting that he would be willing to write this for him. He handled himself so well. Here are the two letters that were written for him:
Just like mentioned in these letters, Isaiah handles himself very well with adults and can carry on a conversation with them very easily. I really believe he would do a fantastic job at being a leader. As a mother, it's so hard to watch him go through this process cause you don't want their little fragile hearts hurt. I have tried explaining to him that this is all a learning process and no matter what, there will always be new adventures just like this. Today is the day he meets with the board and is interviewed for the position. I took them to school today and Jake had him dressed so adorable. I actually saw a little piece of paper that he was holding and reading. On it was a few different columns and above it said "What I do well" and another "What things I could bring to the position" . When I saw this, he realized and quickly folded it up and put it away. I was really in awe of my little dude. He had sat down and taken the time to make these lists. I wish I had a picture of it for memory purposes but I will never forget that cute little list. There is no doubt he would be a great leader, if he doesn't make it, I know that he can try out again for another position and no matter what will help others at some point.
Last week after London was being a little stinker and she actually got out of the car to go to school without giving me a kiss and saying she loved me, I thought it was time to spontaneously pick her up from school for lunch and to have a little one on one time. It was amazing to see the change in her attitude after having that little bit of quality time. So after that day, I recommitted to doing this once a month with each child.
So today Isaiah had a little cute reminder alarm set on my phone while I was at work and it popped up saying, "Order Papa John's, come pick me up from school. And yes I really want to go." I thought that was so cute cause he knows how my mind works and I usually question myself thinking he would rather stay at school with his friends. So after the reminder, I did exactly like. Ordered Papa John's, picked him up, we went home and enjoyed some conversation and some funny tv. It is so fun to see each kid in that light of being alone and seeing how cute their personalities are. I appreciate that they still enjoy being with their mom. Isaiah is such a bright child. He knows WAY more than I ever did at his age. I really don't ever have to worry about him with most things. He is a little too wise beyond his years. He has an adorable smile that is contagious, and has the best personality. We have the exact same sense of humor and it is easy to enjoy time with him.
I hope to keep this up. I know that if my mom would have done something like this growing up, I would look forward to it every month. As much as I don't want to be one of those mom's, I'm going to say it- my kids definitely are my best friends. Knowing they go with their dad this weekend, makes me hold on tighter and not want to let go.
So this weekend, my kids and I got up on Sunday and decided instead of going to church we were going to enjoy the day together and do a few things we hadn't done in a while. I asked them where they wanted to go for brunch. We used to do this quite a bit with their dad before the divorce so there was a feeling of routine and something comfortable about it yet it definitely felt new and different. It felt different to be the one steering the ship, or the captain as most people would say. We went over to a quaint & local ma & pa shop. While sitting outside while waiting to be seated, it was an idea time to people watch. Lots of young college kids getting together after a night of drinking, a few young families, and as I looked around, I was the only single mom. There was a sense of entitlement as I looked around thinking, look at me go. I am finally at that stage where I am an independent mom and my kids are old enough to not throw a tantrum at the table when they don't have crayons for them to color on the menu. I am finally that mom that is having a fun light hearted conversation with her kids and there seems to be some laughing going on. I remember being that young mom thinking how nice it looked to be in that place and hoped one day that I could be "that" mom. As I was enjoying the moment and my current cool mom status, I looked up at this very good looking couple that looked like they were pulled right out of a hip catalogue. Unfortunately it kinda ruined my proud moment and changed it immediately to a place of pity and feeling sorry for myself. Watching the way they were holding hands, with both of them wearing their flip flops and sunglasses, entangling their legs while sitting on the bench. I couldn't help but think about their night before.. drinking with some friends and having some dinner and after going back to their apartment just to watch a movie and make love while they cuddled all night and wake up to go get brunch. Now I am usually not a hopeless romantic, I get that it doesn't usually go that perfect, and if it happened to be perfect that night, it usually is followed by breaking up the next week, but that didn't matter to me then. It made me start feeling lonely and missing a man grabbing my hand or putting my hair behind my ear cause it was in my face. Or waking up together and having the rest of the day to talk and grab coffee.
Now coming back to reality, I was super grateful to be there with kids that love me and will always be my best friends. I know that somehow one day there will be a time that I have that man by my side (I sure hope so), but whatever the reason, it's not time for him. It's time for my kids. It's time to get to know them and myself. To be the three musketeers and really enjoy our new dynamic and new bond. It will not always be like this, and one day I will wish I could go back to this time. So I am trying to enjoy and really take each tender moment not to just be BY them, but be WITH them.
Yesterday was a special day. A day to honor our mom's and all the other people that are mom's and for our kids to treat us even more special. It might look like breakfast in bed, or even just a extra big hug, or a card. My kids were with their daddy in the morning, so I woke up and got on my "church goin" clothes and showed up to my parents church and went with my own mama to let her know how much I love her. We all show it differently. There isn't a whole lot I could do without my mom having some type of influence in one way or another. She is a guide to my in my life and my kids lives. I know she misses her own mom, but I think my sisters and I kept her busy so it didn't hurt as bad.
The whole weekend I had many thoughts about mom's and different kind of mom's. They all come in different shapes and sizes. Step mom's, mother in laws, big sisters that raise their siblings, teachers that spend just as much time and energy as mom's do, best friends, grandma's, aunts, mom's that have lost their kids, mom's who tried to have kids but never could get pregnant, birth mom's that gave up t heir children to adoption, foster mom's, etc... We have to take the time to really thank each type of mother that help raise us in one way or another.
Because of the significants this role plays in my life currently, I want to highlight single mothers in this post. Single mom's to have on magical capes. They are super hero's. They jump in and save their children from the pain that's ahead of them or around the corner. Single mommy's are brave. They take on the world by themselves. They have no shame in that game:) They wear all the hats in the family. They wake up at the crack of dawn so they can not only get themselves ready, but their kids ready for school, make and pack the lunches, throw together some breakfast (even if it's chips-ahoy cookies), yell at the kids to hurry and hurry more, take off down the street just to realize you left kids books for library day, drop them off and head to work and realize you didn't eat breakfast or pack your own lunch! As your stomach is growling, you are working to impress the boss so that you can eventually move up the ladder so that you don't keep making minimum wage and you can keep up with all the other families around... At the end of the work day, head back down to get the kids from school, just so you can wisk them back off to dance and basketball practice. Dinner ends up being Instant Mac & Cheese with a side of yelling at the kids to stop fighting. Cleaning up dinner and trying to help with homework at the same time. Getting kids to settle down while you are folding laundry and you can't find several matching socks.. The struggle is very real. The the mommy's that are fighting to not have that drink of wine before bed, or taking that extra pill to give you a boost, or looking in the mirror and sucking in your gut wishing you looked 30 pounds lighter, or wishing you had a husband to gracefully help you when the water won't drain in the sink, or you can't pay that last bill. There isn't one day that goes as planned, but after the experiences I have had and the trials I have faced, I THANK THE GOOD LORD that those kids are in my care and they choose to be with me, nobody else. When I ask them where they are most comfortable, they say at our home. That is a win. That is what makes it worth it. I always feel a step or two behind but who doesn't? Life is about just staying active and enjoying the ride. Doesn't mean we always do that, but we are trying right? To the mom's that lost their kids in one way or another, my heart was with you yesterday. The pain is overcoming, I can't even begin to imagine. To the mom's that aren't with their kids, I thought about you. To the mom's that never feel enough, you are. Please if you don't do anything different this year before next mother's day, just do this- look in the mirror and love the mom that you are. You are ENOUGH and you deserve a lot more self compassion and forgiveness. Life is hard enough. Go get yourself the Starbucks you've been wanting, go on a hike, take a yoga class, make yourself the dinner you've been wanting tonight (not what your kids want). Put you first. Raise your glass to yourself.
This past weekend I was one lucky mama. My little sweetie pie had her first dance competition. Boy did it bring back so many memories for me. I grew up dancing and on the weekends competing. I was always overwhelmed and nervous, so I just expected that from her. But instead, she was calm and so excited. It was really fun to see it all through her eyes. She loved every minute of it and was soaking it all up. I sat and watched her as she looked around at all the dancers in their costumes and performing. She looked around as if she was in the middle of New York City looking around. It put a big smile on my face. She looked gorgeous and did great. She soaked it all up. She was so happy when her aunt Debbie and Grandma Karen walked in just in time to see her go on.
It was a lot of fun for her to open up the program and see her mommy's name in it for the Overall Queen in the past. I got to see her proud face. So many memories. It was awesome that I could put together the memories with the new memories we are creating with my own daughter.
To top off this post on Sunday, I got to watch my big boy get his first badges as being a Boy Scout. Not only did he receive his first badges, but he got lead the ceremony. There is so much about this boy of mine, that makes me proud. He is so smart and it comes so naturally for him. He is so mature for his age, I can talk just about anything to him. He is getting so big, so fast.
